The Happiness Police

Well, my roommate is not moving after all. This led to us having a talk when I got up this morning. So basically, she said I should pay a bit more rent than her because I don't clean as much. In some ways, that's fine although I resent a bit the fact that because I'm not brushing the carpets every day to get ride of cat hair, I'm not clean enough but whatever. I had to apologize for the fact that my cat sheds but what can I do? I brush her all the time but she loses her fur. It's just a fact of life. Then, I suggested we should divide the tasks around the apartment and alternate. I did my chores much more easily that way but this was deemed too "residency". Sure. Fine. Whatever. I was not possessing all my mental faculties without having had a cup of coffee first so yeah, I got kind off blocked when it came to arguments.

She was worried though I was unhappy living here (projecting much?) because I always looked stressed out. What is she, the happiness police? I can't come home, and have to stop faking being on? Jesus. I didn't think of myself as a grouch but maybe I am. I try not to project my angst and stress upon others but I guess it's not enough. I'm stressed out because of work, and I've said as much many times. She looks half dead & grumpy when she comes home during the year, and I don't make a fuss. She says I don't say hi when I come in, and ask her how she is so she stopped asking me. First, in the past, my roommates kept to themselves, and we didn't do that so I got into that kind of habit. It's not being rude, it's just letting people come and go as they please. Secondly, she's not my good friend so no, I don't always really care to hear all about her day. Thirdly, I don't necessarily want to tell her all about my day. She was like: "I don't feel like I know you." First, I'm actually not particularly secretive, and she knows plenty about me. Well, I know plenty about her, anyway. Second, where does it say we have to bond like we're super friends? We're roommates, that's it. I know she lived for 5 years with her best friend, but I'm not her. She complained that last year's roommate was too much of a recluse (but was a clean freak so I guess that was okay). I'm not a recluse who never talks but yeah, I'm not the coolest best friend ever either. Why is that wrong? Maybe I don't care enough about her & her feelings but she certainly cares too much.

As I was saying to her, I felt she acted like I was always an imposition on her, which is often why I kept to myself. Apparently, she says I'm not, and she thinks I'm a nice person. It's not me but some of my behaviours that are problematic. The fact that I am a night owl is a problem. It makes it a chaotic environment for her. Come again? Even when I make no noise whatsoever since I'm usually either 1) reading, 2) typing at my computer or 3) watching TV with the headphones on. See, the fact that ALL the lights are on in the apartment at 3:00 am (if I'm up that late, it's only my bedroom light that is on but that translates to all the lights) is a problem. I was trying to explain, that unfortunately, I tend to have insomnia, and that I work better at night. (She suggested I take pills. Butt out of my life, will you?) But that is a problem for some reason. I will admit that it leads to me having difficulty in waking up in the morning, and that my alarm doesn't wake me and that is a pain. I have worked at being better about it, but really, I often just don't hear my alarm. I told her (and have told her before) that she can come knock on my door to wake me when she hears it and I don't get up. I don't have a problem with that at all. It's better than her screaming at me like she did the other morning (that was a nice way to wake up!). I only put my alarm on when I really need to get up anyway. So now, she says she has tried to regain territory in the apartment when it comes to time to sleep and getting up. Such drama!!! I'm sorry I don't sleep 9-10 hours like she does or that I don't go to bed at 10:30-11:00 but I still don't get how me being up in my bedroom sitting at my chair is a problem for her. My getting up later never ever prevents her from doing anything she likes to do (I don't complain ever, even if her hairdryer wakes me up), and when I go to bed earlier (say 11:00), I'm up earlier in the morning than her anyway. It's a no-win situation.

So I now feel even more terrible than I did before. She asks me if there was anything she could change so I'd be more comfortable. I can't say her personality, can I? LOL I mentioned the overreacting about the smells, which she will work on. Anyway, I don't feel like moving but I almost feel like I should. She said she didn't want me to move but clearly, she resents so many things I do that I'm not sure I should stay. I would basically need to be so many things different than from what I am (basically, I need to be her) that I'm not sure it's worth the hassle of staying there. She says I don't communicate enough, which is pretty ironic considering what I do for a living & how everyone has always said I was hyperverbal. I learned to control that, and it's still not enough. Anyway, I'll sleep on it, and see if I'm less upset about it tomorrow. Oh, how I hate this crap.