Today Sucks...

And I'm not saying that lightly. I had one of the crappiest days in recent memory. I was crying earlier (I'm PMSing...not helping) but now, I'm just sad and blue.

First, I got a call from the university finance office. For some reason, instead of depositing my scholarship directly in my account like they always do, they made a check, which explained why the money wasn't in my account! And somehow, the check got returned to them because it said I didn't live at the address I lived at. WTF. So this is the second time in 2 weeks that mail has bounced back at my house. Then, actually, the second person who was trying to send another important letter called, and said the mailing got returned to them...AGAIN. The address is right; nothing has changed in 18 months. So I called Canada Post, asking what's up with that. It is not like I've just moved! Now, I have to wait a week while they inquire. I'm waiting for another check, which has better get to me.

Then, I travelled all the way to the far away campus (Travel time to get there: 1 hour 15 minutes) because I have a meeting with a prof...or so I thought. Somehow, he cancelled, left, and didn't bother to send me an email saying he couldn't make it. Are you f*^$%*^@ kidding me? I had plenty of other urgent things to do, like picking up my check from the finance office, as opposed to go to nowhere land... So I get back on the subway (another wasted 1 hour 15 minutes) to go back downtown.

I go pick up my mail on campus. In my mail are last summer's course evaluations. Okay, so I didn't get the worst course evaluations but they were not outstanding either. I am so disappointed by that. I had put so much work into it, and students don't seem to have enjoyed it. Plus, the fact that I was co-teaching with someone who had taught that course twice before didn't make me look as good. Anyway, that's what made me cry. I feel like a fool for thinking I did a good job. I resent that some students seem to think I was enthusiatic or interesting enough. What came to my mind was Bridget Jones's words: "I mean, you seem to go out of your way to try to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway." It was just the cherry on the cake. Then, I started feeling like I didn't belong in grad school, why was I doing all this to myself when I clearly sucked. I'm so tired, and I work my butt off for a job at which I won't even be good. I'm all stressed out, and my life is a big mess. It became very messy in my head.

Hence, I'm now hiding in my hospital office with my patient files. LOL I needed a quiet place to think, and I might as well do work in a place where there is no cello and stuff.

I just feel sad and lonely today. I know it will pass but for now, it sucks.