So Let Me Put This On Paper...

or on screen or whatever to get it out of my head. I'm trying to write, but this keeps popping back into my head, but if I do commit it to a little corner outside of my head, it might stop running through my mind...

Yesterday, I went with a few colleagues to lunch to a prof's house. He has nice country home in a resort town and we drove out there. We do this a few times a year. We organize a potluck, and it is always a lovely time. The prof's wife is also in the same discipline as we all are, but the others are researchers while I focus more on clinical work as does she so she always tends to engage me on the topic. Nevermind that I've never asked for advice, that's all perfectly good and fine that she wants to dispense wisdom. Mentoring is helpful. The problem is, she kills my spirit. I am all for realistic appraisal of the field, its limitations, job prospects, and all that good stuff but she is such a downer. I have a feeling that she is a bit disillusioned with her career and she is not the most upbeat/relaxed person to start with but still...

I swear, every time I've had a conversation with her about this, she makes me feel like I should quit my degree and get myself to the unemployment office stat because that is where I'll end up anyway. She has repeated me things like "You should get experience and training with a pediatric population. That is where the interesting jobs are." It's all well and good except 1) I told her it is not of interest to me to work with children, 2) I am quite far along within my degree to pick up something like that which would require a lot more work, and 3) I don't think I could handle working with sick kids all the time. I am willing to make concessions regarding a lot of things, but I am not going to get trained in something just because I may find more jobs that I wouldn't want anyway. I also told her all my experience has been in setting X but I'd also like to explore setting Y after graduation through some contacts who might be able to hook me up with opportunities. I don't know if I'd like setting Y, I have a feeling setting X is more for me, but since there are fewer jobs in setting X and they don't tend to pay as well combined with a greater flexibility in setting Y, I want to give it Y a try. She proceeded to tell me that indeed setting X is much better, even if there are no jobs in it, and why setting Y is all wrong, and how it is so difficult to make ends meet in that setting. Thanks, that was very helpful.

This went on and on about a variety of aspects of the job for like 15 minutes. Basically, everything I am interested in about the job was either: a) the opposite of what I should do if I want to get a good job or b) will be impossible to find. I am always a little thrown by at 1) her lack of sensitivity towards my enthusiasm for my field and my future and 2) just plain discouraged and sad. It's not like I am getting a Ph.D. in Cloud Shovelling/Unicorn Chasing/Leprechaun Surgery. Anyway, people suck sometimes.

I Wrote A New Office Fic...

entitled Paper Jam. It could be subtitled: "What I Wouldn't Do to Avoid Writing Reports and Do My Income Taxes." Hee. No, actually, I just felt really compelled to write that story, and more miraculously, I was able to finish it. I have at least five or six unfinished fanfics since September that are just lying dead on my hard drive. Sometimes, I just seem to have a chunk of story without anything else, and I usually don't force my hand to try to finish it. However, I do feel proud and satisfied of myself when I am able to write a whole story I feel doesn't suck totally. :)

Move Aside Motion Sickness, I've Got Audiobooks

I am always in search of something to entertain me on my daily bus ride. I would love to read or do Sudoku puzzles but inevitably, I get motion sickness. I figured an audiobook would be a good solution, and so I went to the library and I borrowed Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim written (or in this case, read) by David Sedaris. I have not finished yet, but this is just beyond hilarious. I had to try to stiffle my laughter on the bus. The way he describes his parents' sleeping patterns as living with two housecats, his comparison of Santa Claus vs. the Dutch St. Nicholas, and his retelling of his brother's Paul wedding are endlessly entertaining. I suspect the audiobook may be even more entertaining than the written book since he imitates the voices of his family members and it is just hilarious. Not that he is new on the scene in any way, but I just enjoy when I discover a new author I have an affinity with.

Movie, Movie, TV!

What is better than a movie with Colin Firth? Colin Firth singing in a movie?! It has Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan on top of it. I saw the musical Mamma Mia back in 2002, and it was highly enjoyable. This movie should be good too. That's one I'll be keeping my eye on.

We have a documentary festival in Toronto called Hot Docs. Anyway, this year, it has a very interesting documentary about Michael Moore and his ways of making movies. While I've enjoyed what Michael Moore was trying to do, let's say that I never thought what he did 1) were documentaries as much as commentaries and 2) I always suspected there was a bit more to it. Too bad it is sold out, but hopefully, it will released soon in theatres.

One last thing... I am happy to see they finally released Larry Sanders on DVD: Not Just The Best of the Larry Sanders Show. I think it aired on HBO in the US because I only was able to watch it in syndication on CTV very late at night in the late 90s. The article I linked makes me laugh a bit because they seem to say Garry Shandling appears currently very deflated and morose. Have they never seen Garry Shandling before? He was always like that as far as I am concerned! LOL Anyway, I hope I can rent that DVD set at the video store. I had encouraged the owner to buy Arrested Development once upon a time!

Starbucks PR! Plus, Rules of Conduct Apply to You Too!

I used to be a Starbucks fan in my early years of grad school. In the last 4 years though, I rarely ever go to Starbucks since Second Cup coffee agrees more with my stomach and is closer to my house. However, by unusual circumstances, I ended up at Starbucks twice this week. I was walking from a meeting on Tuesday night and needed a little pick me up. The barrista was having a hellish time with the order of the previous customer so I ended up waiting about 10 minutes for my coffee. I wasn't in a rush though so I didn't really mind. But the barista felt bad so my coffee was on the house. I thought, "Nice." First comped Starbucks coffee ever. Tonight, I went to a totally different Starbucks near the hospital, because I needed a little fuel (Cinnamon Dolce Latte, to be precise) to finish my reports and it was 6 pm and everything was closed at the hospital. Anyway, again, I was waiting for my coffee, but the barista forgot about me, and it took a bit of time to get my coffee. But who cares, it is Friday night, and I am not in a rush. Nevertheless, he gave me a coupon for a free coffee. Is this a new policy at Starbucks thought up by the PR department? Or do I unconsciously put on a bitch face when I have to wait for a cup of coffee? LOL Although I guess the fact that you pay 4$ for a latte should probably buy some efficiency in the process of obtaining your coffee. But I will say that it is ironic that I never got free coffee when I was truly in a rush in the morning and I was actually genuinely annoyed at having to wait.

Speaking of being annoyed, as you may know, I help manage a fanfic archive in the Office fandom. Most of the community is great, but as always when you work with people, there are some who are a bit more difficult to deal with. Today, one of them decided to post a story that she knew was against the rules. It is not like she is a newbie who is unaware of the rules; she even acknowledged in her summary that she knew it was venturing in that territory that we don't allow. So I emailed her about it, saying I had deleted the story and explaining why. She actually replied back, acting all surprised and trying to challenge me on it!! I had started my email with "You probably know what I am going to say about story x", and she had the guts to reply "No, I don't read minds." Then, after arguing certain points with me, her defense was that she had no intention of offending anyone. I am not offended; I am annoyed. Because somehow, I actually don't enjoy feeling like I am talking to walls, and having to play bad cop with grown-ups who should know better. Shocking, I know. Why do some people disregard simple rules & then act surprised when people call them on it? Actions have consequences. What a concept.

Colbert For President

Colbert Nation linked to 6 presidential-themed pictures Stephen Colbert did for GQ. They're very amusing although the baby in the first picture is the creepiest thing I've seen in a long time!

Oh, Wednesday, You're Right In The Middle

Well, it looks like I am back to blogging more regularly. Apparently, I have things to say. Who knew?

Last night, after work, I attended a seminar/networking opportunity. It discussed the long-term cognitive effects of radiation therapy and chemotherapy in children who have had leukemia and brain tumours. It was very interesting stuff, given I know very little about child neuropsychology. I work at the other end of the age spectrum.

But, anyway, it made for a long day yesterday, and then I had 2 talks to attend from 8:00 to 9:00 and 9:15 to 10:15 this morning. Plus, I had two severely depressed clients to see this afternoon, which is tough because they're both in a really distressed state. All clients I see for therapy are having clinical depression and/or anxiety, but some of the other ones are not in such a dark place. As much as I am able to have leave that stuff in the office at the end of the day, it is somewhat draining at the moment when you're in the situation. Plus, I am still green, so I sometimes feel like I should be doing something more than what I am doing or that I'm going about therapy all wrong. However, as I have discovered from reading about cognitive-behavioural therapy, I have issues with wanting to do everything perfectly the first time around or else I want to quit, which is not a realistic or adaptive way of approaching things in life because a) it makes me sad and b) it makes me anxious. Instead of thinking "I can't do anything right and I am useless", I need to assess that thought realistically and correct it by saying, "I am human and I am not always going to do things perfectly, especially as I am learning. Even if I don't do it perfectly, it also doesn't have to mean I am doing everything wrong. My clients keep coming back so I am probably doing something right." Once you've been able to reassessed that thought in a realistic fashion, it decreases the amount of negative emotions. They're pretty powerful tools, those CBT techniques.

Holy Lack of Science Knowledge, Batman!

I was looking up an urban legend and stumbled upon this real clip of the French version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire during my snooping around:

The question was "What revolves around the Earth?" The choices were a) the Moon, b) the Sun, c) Mars, and d) Venus. The ignorance of the most basic scientific knowledge displayed not only by the contestant, but by the whole audience just dismayed me so much. Poor Copernicus is spinning in his grave.

So Funny!

At a board I frequent on occasion, someone posted this diagram of how blog comments work, which is so hilarious because it applies to about any slightly contentious Internet forum/blog I've been to. Humans are predictable creatures.

Then, someone else posted a lightbulb joke as a variation on the same topic... I've clearly spent too much online, because that was all frighteningly familiar.

How many message board posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs."

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

and

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now with something unrelated and start it all over again!

Wig Gate and Party Music

Why do I enjoy the Internet? I'll tell you why. Because people can spend weeks discussing whether an actor is wearing a wig or not on a show, and they even provide evidence that his hair is much shorter in RL than on the show. Ha! I must say, regardless of whether it is a wig or not, John Krasinski's hair on The Office has been bugging me in the last few episodes because it does not look good. He was playing a 1920s football player at the same time he was filming The Office so they messed with the hair somehow. He needs to go back to his good hair days of Season 2 (how adorable!), although he was also looking good when he filmed License to Wed, which is coming out this summer. Which by the way, you know I will probably see, let's face it, because I have a hard time restraining myself in front of romantic comedies, especially when the only alternatives on July 4th weekend will be Bruce Willis being all macho again and 80s action figures.

On a totally unrelated topic, as I was running errands today, I was listening to music and felt like dancing. LOL Since dancing in public for no reason is not appropriate (ha!), I made a playlist in my head of 50 songs I'd like to dance to. I figure I can use that list if/when I have a party. If it is on my blog, it will be easier to find. By the way, I am fully aware I have music tastes that are pretty eclectic and sometimes veer towards cheesiness, but as Lucille Bluth says, I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it.

So here is the list in no particular order: (I would have many more to add, but 50 is a good start!)

1. Sexy Back- Justin Timberlake
2. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)- ABBA
3. Like A Prayer- Madonna
4. Island in The Sun- Weezer
5. Love Shack- B-52s
6. Go- Indigo Girls
7. Brian Wilson- The Barenaked Ladies
8. Candyman- Christina Aguilera
9. Dress You Up- Madonna
10. Pour Some Sugar On Me- Def Leppard
11. Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield
12. Thriller- Michael Jackson
13. You Drive Me Crazy- Britney Spears
14. Lady Marmelade- Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, and Lil Kim
15. Middle Of Nowhere- Hot Hot Heat
16. We're Not Gonna Take It- Me First and The Gimme Gimme
17. Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson
18. They - Jem
19. Holiday- Green Day
20. Higher Ground- Red Hot Chili Peppers
    
21. Inside and Out- Feist
22. I Will Survive- Cake
23. Here It Goes Again- Ok Go
24. Kick Your Game- TLC
    
25. Astounded- Bran Van 3000
    
26. Canned Heat- Jamiroquai
27. Extraordinary- Liz Phair
28. Breathe- Michelle Branch
29. I'm Just a Gigolo- David Lee Roth
    
30. Born To Be My Baby- Bon Jovi
31. Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting- Elton John
32. Groove is in The Heart- Dee Lite
33. American Girls- Counting Crows
34. Rhythm Nation- Janet Jackson
35. Walking On Sunshine- Katrina and The Waves
36. It's Raining Men- Geri Halliwell
37. Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours- Stevie Wonder
38. For Once in My Life- Stevie Wonder
39. Where The Streets Have No Name- U2
40. Where's The Love- Hanson
41. Home for a Rest- Spirit of The West (The quintessential Canadian party song!)
42. If I Could Turn Back Time- Cher
    
43. I Want You Back- Jackson 5
44. New York, New York- Frank Sinatra
45. Rich Girl- Gwen Stefani
46. Crazy in Love- Beyonce
47. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper
48. Toxic- Britney Spears
49. You Shook Me All Night Long- AC/DC
50. Stop!- Spice Girls
    

Oh, and a slow song? Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight", TLC's "Red Light Special" or "To Make You Feel My Love" covered by Billy Joel.

Happy Easter Everyone!

Belated wishes, but nevertheless... I came back from Montreal late last night. My day has been a lovefest with the cat, who won't let me leave her sight and who is purring at the lightest touch. I think she wants to make sure I'll never leave her again.

Life is going okay. I took a few days off of work, but I'm getting back in the saddle tomorrow. I feel a little more rested, but I had so much to do; it didn't feel like too much of a vacation. But as I've said many times, as soon as I graduate, I am going backpacking somewhere far away from here for a while. I have a definite need for escape.

My internship is going well though. I still have a lot to learn, and some parts of it have been though, but I enjoy doing therapy even though I am still trying to find my bearings. It's just a lot of readings and practicing what interactions with clients need to look like. It gets me all anxious, as novelty usually does, but amidst the constructive criticism, I have also gotten some positive feedback on my general performance, which is nice. I have been told though by my supervisors that I have very good clinical skills and that my greatest strengths are being able to work with a variety of clients, being patient, explaining complex things in a palatable fashion, and making remarks in a non-threatening fashion. I must say that last one did make me snicker a bit, since if you were to ask my family, they would say that being diplomatic is not always my strong suit with them.

Speaking of my family, why is it that every time I go home, I feel like I am reverting a little bit to my 15-year-old self? I wasn't overly fond of her in the first place! It's as if I forget that my parents know exactly what buttons to push to get me irked or that there are all these little things I really don't miss about living with them like criticizing what time I go to bed at or what I eat or what my skin looks like. Yes, mom, I have an eczema outbreak on my cheeks; thanks, I hadn't noticed! I know they mean well. I do love them. I just wish I got better at handling it, and that it didn't bug me so much. Although if you ask them, they could tell you that I'm overly sensitive. ;)