All Is Well. Mostly.

Term has begun. I am teaching a course, and have another part-time position one day a week to pay the bills. Besides that, it's me and my research. Oh yes, the demon is back. So it is.

I've started doing Yoga Booty Ballet recently. I know that it has the most ridiculous name, but it is fabulous. They're fun workouts and I'm already seeing changes in my booty and my ads. That's all a girl can ask for! :)

Besides that, tonight is The Office's season premiere. I can't wait. I watched Chuck on Monday night, and that's also a very enjoyable show I'll probably continue to watch. I love nerdy guys, which I am sure comes as a shock to all who know me. ;)

Stairs: The Silent Killer

I was walking back to my office from a therapy session in another part of the hospital, and was a bit distracted. I took a lovely plunge in the staircase. Thank God I was on the level between two flights so I didn't fall down. I scuffed my hands and knees (and pants!), but mostly, I twisted my left ankle. I hope I haven't pulled anything because it does hurt a bit. I guess I'll see soon enough if it swells up. I also dropped my digital recorder and Palm Pilot. What better event for electronic equipment than hitting a cement floor? LOL

No Day But Today

I was leading a group at work with clients who have memory problems. I must say, they always inspire me so much by their determination, and their resourcefulness and ability to cope with their difficulties. It always reminds me that we owe it to ourselves to try to make our lives as best as we can despite the obstacles. Plus, they've shown me how important to enjoy yourself in the present moment. Many of them don't remember what they've done a few minutes or hours ago, yet they say that if they felt happy while they did an activity, then it was worth it. :)

On a more superficial note... I got new lipgloss at Sephora: CARGO's Purse Gloss. I got it in the Montreal colour. How appropriate. It's such lovely lip gloss because it is not sticky. CARGO even sells lipgloss in little bubbles! What a brilliant idea!

So Let Me Put This On Paper...

or on screen or whatever to get it out of my head. I'm trying to write, but this keeps popping back into my head, but if I do commit it to a little corner outside of my head, it might stop running through my mind...

Yesterday, I went with a few colleagues to lunch to a prof's house. He has nice country home in a resort town and we drove out there. We do this a few times a year. We organize a potluck, and it is always a lovely time. The prof's wife is also in the same discipline as we all are, but the others are researchers while I focus more on clinical work as does she so she always tends to engage me on the topic. Nevermind that I've never asked for advice, that's all perfectly good and fine that she wants to dispense wisdom. Mentoring is helpful. The problem is, she kills my spirit. I am all for realistic appraisal of the field, its limitations, job prospects, and all that good stuff but she is such a downer. I have a feeling that she is a bit disillusioned with her career and she is not the most upbeat/relaxed person to start with but still...

I swear, every time I've had a conversation with her about this, she makes me feel like I should quit my degree and get myself to the unemployment office stat because that is where I'll end up anyway. She has repeated me things like "You should get experience and training with a pediatric population. That is where the interesting jobs are." It's all well and good except 1) I told her it is not of interest to me to work with children, 2) I am quite far along within my degree to pick up something like that which would require a lot more work, and 3) I don't think I could handle working with sick kids all the time. I am willing to make concessions regarding a lot of things, but I am not going to get trained in something just because I may find more jobs that I wouldn't want anyway. I also told her all my experience has been in setting X but I'd also like to explore setting Y after graduation through some contacts who might be able to hook me up with opportunities. I don't know if I'd like setting Y, I have a feeling setting X is more for me, but since there are fewer jobs in setting X and they don't tend to pay as well combined with a greater flexibility in setting Y, I want to give it Y a try. She proceeded to tell me that indeed setting X is much better, even if there are no jobs in it, and why setting Y is all wrong, and how it is so difficult to make ends meet in that setting. Thanks, that was very helpful.

This went on and on about a variety of aspects of the job for like 15 minutes. Basically, everything I am interested in about the job was either: a) the opposite of what I should do if I want to get a good job or b) will be impossible to find. I am always a little thrown by at 1) her lack of sensitivity towards my enthusiasm for my field and my future and 2) just plain discouraged and sad. It's not like I am getting a Ph.D. in Cloud Shovelling/Unicorn Chasing/Leprechaun Surgery. Anyway, people suck sometimes.

Oh, Wednesday, You're Right In The Middle

Well, it looks like I am back to blogging more regularly. Apparently, I have things to say. Who knew?

Last night, after work, I attended a seminar/networking opportunity. It discussed the long-term cognitive effects of radiation therapy and chemotherapy in children who have had leukemia and brain tumours. It was very interesting stuff, given I know very little about child neuropsychology. I work at the other end of the age spectrum.

But, anyway, it made for a long day yesterday, and then I had 2 talks to attend from 8:00 to 9:00 and 9:15 to 10:15 this morning. Plus, I had two severely depressed clients to see this afternoon, which is tough because they're both in a really distressed state. All clients I see for therapy are having clinical depression and/or anxiety, but some of the other ones are not in such a dark place. As much as I am able to have leave that stuff in the office at the end of the day, it is somewhat draining at the moment when you're in the situation. Plus, I am still green, so I sometimes feel like I should be doing something more than what I am doing or that I'm going about therapy all wrong. However, as I have discovered from reading about cognitive-behavioural therapy, I have issues with wanting to do everything perfectly the first time around or else I want to quit, which is not a realistic or adaptive way of approaching things in life because a) it makes me sad and b) it makes me anxious. Instead of thinking "I can't do anything right and I am useless", I need to assess that thought realistically and correct it by saying, "I am human and I am not always going to do things perfectly, especially as I am learning. Even if I don't do it perfectly, it also doesn't have to mean I am doing everything wrong. My clients keep coming back so I am probably doing something right." Once you've been able to reassessed that thought in a realistic fashion, it decreases the amount of negative emotions. They're pretty powerful tools, those CBT techniques.

Manic Monday

Actually, these days the whole week is crazy. Although I was at a conference yesterday, as am I today and tomorrow. It's a nice change of pace. Things are winding down though overall, which is much appreciated. I've been going to bed early (well, my early which means like 10:30!) and catching up on sleep. My really demanding rotation of my internship is done, and I'm now moving to the therapy rotation, which is much less intensive and doesn't require extra work nights and weekends. That means more time to work on my dissertation, thank God, so I can try to make progress on that bad boy. I'm juggling a lot of balls in the air at the moment, but I feel good. I just feel a sense of self-efficacy, probably because in the last 2 weeks, I've succeded in writing and giving a one-hour seminar, write up and edit six reports, tutor more than my usual night of tutoring, prepare for a dissertation meeting with my supervisor, read up on my new rotation, and keep up with my usual load of patients (with all the prep, patient face time, and post work it requires). I'm pretty proud of myself. Anyway, you'll now get to hear me spout cognitive-behavioural therapy theory for the next six months. Hee.

Other good news, I got the results from my course evaluation from the class I taught last summer, and the students liked me a lot. That's always nice to hear!

Yesterday, I watched the documentary Wordplayall about crossword puzzles. It was quite enjoyable to watch, and now, all I want to do are crosswords! My mom and my grandma both love crosswords so I grew up in that environment. (In the French language, we even have a word for it. The word "cruciverbiste" describes people who like to do crossword puzzles.) I've always enjoyed word-based and reasoning-type of puzzles so crosswords are no exception. Now, I can even do crosswords in English, which is pretty sweet, although I can't do the really tough ones since I don't always have all the necessary cultural knowledge for it. Anyway, I need to find myself a book of crosswords or pick up the paper today or get crosswords somehow... LOL

Canadian Spy Coins and High Maintenance Women

Two topics that have nothing to do with each other except for the fact I encountered both this week. Okay, so I didn't encounter the spy coins, but I read about them. Seriously, listening devices in Canadian toonies? I thought this was the stuff of spy movies, but I guess not.

As for high maintenance women... I am one of the two interns in a hospital department. This week, there were two days of interviews for potential interns that will occupy our positions next year. It was my (and the other current intern's) responsibility to take them out to lunch. Most people were very nice and friendly. But one girl just stood out, and not in a good way. She was probably very nervous, but there was something beyond that. As an interviewee, you usually try to be accommodating, but she was being a bit of a pain for restaurant choice. Then, when we got to the restaurant, I swear to God, she ordered like Sally in When Harry Met Sally. It took her like 3 minutes to order a salad with all her questions and demands for changes to the chef's salad. I am really not exaggerating. But this was nothing compared to the fact that she didn't let anyone else talk during lunch, and asked the other intern and me a bunch of questions she barely let us answer. Yikes. Talk about not so good first impression.

Oh, one more thing... Golden Globes tomorrow night! Be there or be square.

I'm Having One of Those Days...

This has just been an all-around crappy day. I got up in a fairly good mood, but everything since then has contributed in making me grumpy as all hell. I came in to work around 7:15 to get a jump on all the writing I have to do. I start reading the comments my supervisor had left on a document. That left me highly irritated since basically what she wrote was the exact opposite of what she told me to do last week. After that, I start looking for testing material for the patient I was to see today, and not only one but TWO tests that belong to my service have gone missing. I have sent out a very nice email appeal for the borrower to return the material. We nicely loan our material to others, but I am seriously going to start locking up my stuff if this keeps happening. I need these things to do my job!

Then, I was working with a patient who kept crying during testing. She was so tense, it was unbelievable. Basically, I felt like I was kicking a puppy for about 3 hours, which is not a good feeling. Plus, people in the hallways around my testing room were being loud and were an additional irritant.

Now, it is 2:30, and I'm finally having lunch. My officemate is doing his weekly calls to his patients so he is speaking really loud on the phone because so many patients are hard-of-hearing.

Do you think a head can literally explode?

I've Joined The New Blogger

We can now lock posts and such... Interesting. I'll have to look around more. I just hope it works right.

So I haven't been around in a while. Life has been pretty crazy recently, and I've been too tired to blog. How lame of me. I've been seeing some really interesting patients, and I am just learning a whole lot. I am very happy even though I am working all the time. Overall, life is good, and I feel I am where I am supposed to be.

I met some patients I know I'll never forget. I work in a Jewish hospital, and from time to time, we get Holocaust survivors. (Of course, they are not as numerous as they used to be.) I had a patient a little while ago, who told me all about his life in concentration camps. I know I'll never forget that. I actually got home that night and cried, because there is just something about the pain in his eyes that is indescribable. He was the nicest man, who has survived the worst things possible, and I was so sad to see he couldn't get peace of mind in the twilight of his life. A lot of survivors start to reexperience memories from the war more acutely in their later years when people around them start dying again and they start experiencing loss.

Anyway, those are the big things, but life is mostly a lot of minutae. I bought Christmas decorations over the weekend, and have started hanging it up. There is nothing that makes me quite as happy as Christmas decorations. I bought some blue cascading lights that I've put in my living room window. So pretty. I've also started decorating my tree, but it is a work in progress that I'm not quite satisfied with yet.

Last thing... Today was municipal election day in Toronto so I got to go vote. How exciting! Mind you, it is important because the city keeps doing things such as pulling apart one of the main roads to improve the transit system (good, if a hassle for now), but is going to redestroy it in 2 years to put electric cables underground instead of doing it all at the same time (stupid!). So yeah, it is important to vote.

I promise to try to update more regularly! Kisses and hugs to all! :)

Work Fun on Friday Night

The department where I work at the hospital empties quickly between 5-6 pm, but none so more than Fridays. I was probably the only person left at 5, especially considering it is a 3-day weekend! It is Yom Kippur on Monday and since this is a Jewish hospital, we have the day off. Plus, Sabbath starts Friday at sunset so we are supposed to be leave before then, but since I am not Jewish, I am staying behind to get more work done, but laying low, of course. I have a couple of reports to write and I need access to the files so I need to stay here. I got myself a Starbucks latte, and it is nice and quiet. I have an office that I adore with big windows. Seriously, I couldn't be happier these days even if work is kicking my butt but good.

Oh, dorky me got all excited because I finally got some books I had ordered ages ago from Amazon. One of them is called Geriatric Neuropsychology, and I can't wait to read it. It looks like it will be so helpful. I also got the new edition of one of my work bibles called A Compendium of Neuropsychological Tests. It was like Christmas in September. Oh, and I had also ordered a DVD of a small movie called Lollilove because I am on an everything-Office-related kick and can't help myself when someone dangles a dark comedy in my face. ;) So that is what I will be watching tonight.

Speaking of The Office, they were killing me with the angst this week. It is funny, funny angst, but still... Too many sad/brokenhearted faces. I'll have to come back later to let that all out.

Back to work for me! :)

Just a Little Announcement

So I got the internship I wanted! Yay!!! It also means I need to get a lot of stuff done by September to be able to start said internship, which is frightening. Just wanted to say that I am going to be blogging very little for the next few weeks/months. The dissertation pressure kicking up a notch or two or twenty is all I can handle. As much as I needed a kick in the butt, for those who remember the last few months of my Masters, it's also not too much fun. LOL Anyway, I'll try to post stuff every so often but I'll see. Emails will be greatly appreciated, and will be answered promptly. Write to me even if only to tell me silly stories or send me virtual hugs. I'll need them.

As a parting gift ;), here is one of my favourite jokes. It's a mindless joke from one of my favourite French-speaking comic who used to do these really deep monologues but would make silly jokes like that from time to time. I'm not a great joketeller but I think it translates fairly well so enjoy. :)

On a cold autumn afternoon, a guy who was walking on a country road found a little bird on the side of the road. The poor bird was really cold, and appeared dead. The guy picked up the bird, and heard a faint heartbeat. So the guy decided to try warming up the bird by rubbing it between his hands. After a few minutes, the guy saw that it didn't seem work. He then saw some fresh horse dung close by. He figured that this might work in warming up the bird. So he put the little bird in the dung, and after a few moments, the bird appeared to come back to life. The bird was gaining back his strength and started chirping away. A cat that was walking by heard the bird singing. The cat took the bird out of the dung, and ate it.

There are 3 morals to this story.
1) When someone puts you in shit, it is not always done with evil intent.

2) When someone helps you out of shit, it is not always for your own good.

3) When you're in shit, SHUT UP!

Love you all!

There Are Not Enough Hours In The Day...

I'm under deadline mania in all areas of my work. I hear the tic-tac sound from Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For?" in my head constantly. It's a good thing I'm in a healthy and productive place in my head at the moment. The summer is wonderful for that. I tend to get depressed & without energy in January/February/March, which is always so distressing to feel. That can be a topic for another post! LOL

Anyway, let's hope I can keep the current pace until September. I shall take a few days off at the end of July, which I will totally deserve.

Live from Toronto, This is Tuesday Afternoon Live...

Wow. The creativity well is a little bit dry if we consider the title I've given to this post. It's funny for me to have this blog, where I'm basically blabbing on to myself. It's nice though. It's just an outlet I can turn on to blatter on about my non-work thoughts. Considering I spend the bulk of my day doing one of the 4 following things : working on my computer, reading research/teaching material, watching TV when I'm too tired to do anything else(not much of that one) or more work on my computer, I do tend to spend a lot of time alone. Certainly, it depends on the day (sometimes, I spend a lot of time with students or patients) but overall, my work tends to be solitary. Such is the life of the graduate student. The introvert in me likes the time alone working but my extrovert side needs distraction from it every so often, and feels it is communicating with the world somehow. So this is my gift to my extrovert side. Hee.

Friday is St-Jean-Baptiste (for all my non-French-speaking readers, if this blog turns out to have any, it's the celebration of Quebec heritage). Big day! So there are having some French concerts in TO. Paul Piché is the main act. As one of my friends mentioned, what is HE doing out of Québec on the day of St-Jean? No idea! Maybe independentist singers have been exiled under Jean Charest? LOL Anyway, so I'm hoping to go with a fellow grad student friend on Friday night.

Anyway, back to work for me...

"The Fake News is All I Need" T-Shirt

Glarkware - The Fake News is All I Need

Hee! I'm totally getting this t-shirt. I must proclaim my love of The Daily Show to the world.

I've decided to use this blog as my little kingdom. I'm disappointed that queendom isn't a word. Damn you, Webster. Anyway, this place shall be a melting pot of ideas and crazy links. I'll probably post mostly when I'm tired of working and need some relaxation. I've been working for the better part of the last 12 hours. I'm freaking tired. Do you think death by PowerPoint is possible?